Selalu Begini : Maju Salah, Mundur Salah.

Yeah, it is always been like this.
Stuck in the state that I didn't even know what it is called.
You know, it sucks.


I don't mean that I don't grateful with what I got, but it is just the same with the failure.
Oh my God, does everything have to be this hard?


The password of my destiny is YES, but what I got is AFS.
How can I face it?
How can I pay for it?
How can make my dream will still exist?


I'm so grateful to God for what I got, but I don't know how to still be here.
Still being in the state that I didn't even know what it is called.

Being a Senior : Leaving Those Absurd Memories

Yeah, being thousands miles from home give me more time to re-think about what I have done and what I haven't. I just thought that it must be better if I won the chemistry olympiad. It must be better if I've got more diligent in working the tasks. It must be better if I got the most outstanding degree. It must be better if I could mind my words. It must be better if I'm not hurting someone's heart. It must be better if blablablablabla. Yeah, blablablablabla. And blablablablabla.



But when I think about it once again, I realized that if it wasn't like how it was, it was and it is NOT my life. I meant, if I wasn't weird, yeah, just used that word, probably I couldn't got many friend like now. Maybe, if I just studying all day long, there's a possibility that I'll get mad. And maybe, if I didn't make mistake, I don't know how the mistake effects the things. Yeah, everything has a reason to happened.


Being with X.Euro gives me all those thing that matured me, whether it's hurt. And although we had mocking each other, being unsolid, and didn't care enough of each other, it is still had the good side. There, I knew that everyone must has two side in his/her personality. And we can't deny it. We just can understanding it and act as it should be. Yeah, there's nothing right, there's nothing wrong, there's just different.


Ramadhan have come. Now, for all my mistake, it's time for saying :

A Letter To God

quotediaryofficial:

From the start, O Lord God,
You held me close when I was lost
And believed in me beyond
A shadow of a doubt.

I knew from the beginning,
My life was a wonderful blessing.
I wasn’t supposed to ask You why
But you helped me to live
My life every day.

O Lord God, The Most Powerful,
Thank you for everything and for all
The things that are bright and beautiful.
I love you from the deepest of my heart
And I promise my love for you
Will never be apart.
~ Alon Calinao Dy

The Remorse Poem

Could you come back?


All those words you said
All those jokes we've laughed about
All those togetherness we've made
All those time we've spent
Could it back again?


The argue we've created
The fight we've sparked
The mocks we've putted each other
The silence we've made
Could it back again?


People talks about it
People talks made us far apart
People talks turned our way
People talks broke us and ours
Can it all be fix?


Are you thinking about me in your everyday life?
As the way I'm thinking about you all my time?
Are you feel the same?
As the way I feel the love in you?


When the game comes
Every single part of our secret discovered
It supposed to be good
But it ends with a sad-ending
Is it cause all of those things?


May you know my regrets
May you know it all
May you know it still the same
Hopefully you know there's nothing change