Ha ha ha.
Laughing
The only thing I can do right now.
The only thing that seems right.
Seeing those time had passed.
Seeing someone else did the thing I was supposed to.


A little regret comes across my mind
Why didn't I try harder?
Why didn't I push it a little more?
Why didn't I go a little further?
Why didn't I make it happen right away?
Why didn't I change myself to be something I was not to chase it?
Why didn't I do something wrong to get it?


Why didn't I get it?


In the middle of the lonely night,
I bowed my head.
Cried in the deep lonely night,
That witnessed my remorse.
I raised my hand.
Asking the best for me,
What I am supposed to be,
Where I am supposed to be,
When the good thing will comes.


I stopped my crying.
I thanked God for all it takes to make me becoming here
I thanked God for a life that I got.
I prayed for myself and family to make us become the lucky one.


Suddenly I heard something.
The peaceful voice appears unexpectedly.
The voice that calm me down.
It said, "Don't worry. I have something better for you in store."

One of the Dream is becoming true : Masuk HUBUNGAN INTERNASIONAL

It's been like a decade I didn't post anything here. Gosh, this blog is dusty -_-

Well, I definitely know it's too late to tell you guys about this. Since I got this news a month ago, I cannot  keep myself from thinking about my future, and another important thing : "What I really want to be when I grow up?" This three days, after finishing those exams that are going to kill me, I've been searching for the colleges that I really fit in. But at least, I have something to hold on :

"I DO PASSED THE TEST OF GETTING SCHOLARSHIP IN PRESIDENT UNIVERSITY AS INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS STUDENT!"

The whole letter


I am absolutely happy about this, but this is where the nightmare happens.


I've joined the psychological test about 'minat dan bakat' in my school. Since I don't know what I want to be in future, I decided to join this test in order to capture what I really am, and what talent does I have in myself. Well, I wrote all the major that interest me, including international relations. After doing all the test and waiting for a week, the result came out and it said I am not suitable to be an International Relations student. It even suggest me to join medical faculty, which is also my interest since my mom is a doctor. Seeing my mom doing all her works and we even have a microscope right by my side now on, that little wish comes across my mind, but I don't really love it. Some people might say being a doctor is a pleasure way to become rich. IT'S ALL BULLSHIT. Bullshit I hate the most. My family are not even rich.

Shit, I've been going out of topic. Let's go back to it.

Well, because of the result, I decided to meet the psychologist itself to make sure about all the things. She said, I'm the type of person who is creative, but I cannot control my own emotion. Yeah, that's definitely true. So, she doesn't recommend me to join the International Relations.

And now, I get the scholarship in International Relations. Oh my God, I even don't know what to feel. Should I do the test of med faculty? Or I just have to join International Relations?



I don't know.

Midnight snack

I got another insomnia night. I don't even know when will it end.

I never expect anything from this app actually, but God gives me a chance to enjoy something interesting. Say thanks to Kik. Say thanks to my Indonesian friend.

In short, I got an American boy from Omegle. He added my Kik id. I didn't even know he added me. He said 'Omegle guy is here'. We started it all. We started something called 'relationship'.

And now, almost two months after that, a girl (he met in real life) stole his heart and I'm here. Being left.

He thought I'll be sad. I will be mad. I will be frustated. He thought I'll be singing 'Shouldn't Come Back-Demi Lovato' and crying.

LOL BIG HECK NO.

I might be sad because there will be no one will talk crazy again. He really drove me crazy, really. But I won't be that frustated. LOL IT'S NOT THE END OF WORLD, COME ON. I used to start to love him, but since that I don't even care if he was in car accident. Lol no!! I'm not that cruel. What I couldn't stop laughing at is, how can he said these things to me and then he left me because he said he can't hold it anymore.

Moral value: Do not even trust anyone who says

he/she loves you while they're never see you directly.

Eye contact may ruin anything.

Something to think about

I am at the end of this road. Nearly the end of this road. The road which has brought me to pass one of my best times in my life. The road which I wish I would never leave.

Now I'm facing this intersection. This intersection. I've ever passed something like this before. Three years ago. And six years ago.

To be honest, it wasn't as hard as now. All I saw in that moment was just a straight way. I was highly sure I would go that way. Thank God, in fact I did. Without any doubt. Without any thoughts. Without any extra work. I just easily walked over the old road, passed the intersection without turning my head into the other ways, walked straightly to the next straight street.

But it isn't as easy as it was. I have to re-think over and over again, to consider many aspects (sallary, employment prospect, the period, and of course my own passion), and to be realistic. I must getting the maximum capabilty of me. How this road would be ended depends on this phase. How I make myself worth the best way.

I hate this feeling of being under the pressure. Those exam, those papers and those tasks, how could I solve that? I wish I never leave this road. But I have to face the reality. I have to pass this road.

I hope the next road will be the best road in my life. The road where I can find the best people living up their dream. Other people who walk the same way as I do. The same way to see this life. I don't expect all of them will be like that. I just hope 'some'. I hope the people whom I knew from the previous roads will not be the people I used to know. I hope everything will be better.

But I don't even know which road I would take. Where the best road is.